I Am Not Prepared
As I sit here at my desk, five days before I am about to embarrass myself in front of the entire internet, a few things occur to me. I have no idea what I’m doing. I cannot draw. I should be focusing on Algebra. I am too far behind on my pottery assignments. There are a lot of trolls out there. Why the hell didn’t I go to art school?
I don’t think I really need to explain what each of these mean. They mean that March took *forever* to get through so I felt like I had a lot more time than I actually did, and then I didn’t realize how quickly April was going to go by. I have a lot on my plate right now between being a wife, a mom, a student, and a World of Warcraft guild leader (which for those of you who do not know, is really exactly like being a mom, except that you expect your guild members to behave and act like the adults that they are, and they don’t –but hey, at least with them I can always /exit).
I would like to take a minute and wish that Sailor Pluto were a real person so I could ask her to send me back in time (because she’s a freaking Timelord) so that I can talk some sense into myself right after that exact moment when I thought that a year long project was a good plan. Even more, that starting and finishing on my birthday was a good idea. Even more than more, that publishing it to the internet would be fun. And more than more than more, that the timing of my birthday being only weeks before finals wouldn’t be an issue.
Did I even think at all?
I can assure you, that I did not. This is pretty typical of me. I get an idea and dive right in. I very rarely stop to think about said idea because if I did, I would get scared. That’s for later.
What I feel right now is more apprehension of the thought of feast of the trolls that is about to happen than I felt when my husband and I decided to get married after a mere three months after moving in together and dating, in that order. But honestly? When your four year old calls him dad, what else are you supposed to do?
I should be focusing on Algebra. It’s easily the hardest subject for me. Not because I can’t do the work and I don’t understand the concepts. It’s mostly because when I look at a word problem, and they’re all word problems at this point, I know what they want me to do, I just have no idea how to get there. Instead, I’m mentally going over how to draw hair and hoping that when I finally finish the assignment, I’ll have time to try what I’m mentally seeing. I’m also hoping that my hands will understand what’s being asked of them and actually do it. That hope is really like the faintest glimmer of a dying star, by the way.
I really wanted something poignant to say, some kind of moral here, but mostly, I’m just scared. Apprehensive. Scervous.